So I think of you

They played that song in the streat
People walked by, saying what a treat
But I stop and think of you

They watch that movie for fun
To know what exactly happened
I drift to dreams,
Things unknown, life unseen
And I think of you.

They dance to their favorite songs
With a drink it their hands
I try to forget, to mix with the crowd
Memories come back
Even with the best make up, I can't disguise
And I think of you.

Things go good, things go bad
I want to share with you
Coz only you'll understand how they fix in my scheme of things
So I think of you.

I think of you in happiness
in joy, in silence, in life
in prejudices, in jealousy
in cozy bed, in memories
in fate, in fortune
I think of you
never less, never enough!

CJ

Old man behind the bar

Dublin is getting on to me. Like it or not, it's teaching me things I already know. I thought I'll be more regular with writing but haven't had the time. Though I've chosen a day when I'm willing upset and just want to pen down these feelings somewhere.

I've always been one with expectations. I deny it as much as I can but it's true. I was expecting things today when I walked in to that room. To discuss my work performance, how I've done in the last two quarters and all that. It turned out that I din't get what I was expecting and it was but natural for me to be upset.

Ok, now I've to rewind as I realized that when I started writing this post, I wanted to write about something else. Something that happened yesterday. We were coming back from Wicklow and stopped at this Irish pub for a quick bite. This old man sitting behind us in the bar, totally drunk, wanted to strike a conversation. I couldn't make out if he was sad, happy, drunk or just philosophical. He talked about enjoying life, not worrying about small things, about money. He said we should life without regrets, without sorrow as it is not coming back to us. It was like he was preparing me for today. It makes me feel horrible if I don't get something that I deserve. But this lingering positivity in me pushes me to move on. Not just because it is the only option, but also because life has to move on.

Nandu Sir's unexpected death, or Saumya's friend unfortunate accident, all news has been bad news. My brain keeps negotiating the good and bad, the right and wrong, remembrance and forgiveness. Everything teaches you something, a bad day, a good song or an old man behind the bar!

CJ

Doing or not doing

Someone rightly said, in life, the choices you make are important, but the choices you don't make is more important. I am also battling this confusion. Why can't I be more decisive, have more courage in the decisions I make. Seriously, no chickening out. It's not often that life gives you choices. How many people are fortunate enough to have a choice. Choice of opportunities, choice of challenges. Getting comforted is easy. It comes naturally. Though I doubt where it takes us. It is my nature to regret my decisions. It is just very me. But after a while when winds clear, I don't mind doing what I chose. May be coz I adapt to the new situation or may be I made a good decision. Its fun looking back and wondering what would happened if I did this or that. Life moves on. Our decisions and reminiscing them is momentary. We grow out of it. We've to. Otherwise, we'll lag behind. So the hard part it, how much to dwell upon to make a choice, make a decision. Doing or not doing.

Are We Selling?

We'll are selling?

I've been working for more than two years selling online advertising to millions of people. My friends are selling ideas, my brother is selling stocks, my neighbor is selling books. But apart from the professional sales we are making every day, isn't life is an ongoing sale. We sell our marks, our degrees, our looks, and our resumes. We add and we subtract to make the product more interesting. We are always a part of some kinda market, be it job market or dating market or marriage market. If you are not saleable or marketable, you sure would be a product of the past. But why is there an ever growing need to selling yourself. Some people may not like the term selling, but isn’t it what it is. We sell services of our company and our personality. Makes me wonder if life is all about becoming what people like. Becoming buyable. Becoming value for money, becoming luxury. The better you sell the higher price you can quote. Is it too hard to be good just for the sake of yourself and not anyone else? May be, may be not. Because we are social and we’ve grown with and around the society. The marketing would always continue. I just hope the mix would get more creative ;)

Friends Forever?

What are friends?

So many cliches to define friendship. The soulmates you never marry, The relatives you are not born with, But what are they really.

Someone whose troubles you try and resolve when your own troubles are driving you crazy. Someone who you want to trust inspite of knowing that they are saying things to make you feel better. Someone whose boyfriends/girlfriends you are a little jealous of coz you know that they are with the best they ever could be. Someone you make listen to the music or movies you don't like and you can tell them the truth. Someone said that if you had five real friends in life consider yourself lucky. Real is an enigma though. You could be jealous be of real friends. You could hate them for doing something which you asked them not to. But you still stand for them, by them and beside them. In good, bad and ugly; expecting the same from them. Some of them change your life, some of them change you. But consider yourself lucky, even if you have a few.

Yeah yeah, I said I'll be regular. But just couldn't!! Work is keeping me busy as usual. But a lot happening...

Office is crazy for everyone. After just a stint of some two and half years in my current job, I'm bored!!! Not that I don't like the company, the work or the people. It's just the same routine is becoming unbearable. I often wonder how my father has completed 25 years in the same office. Is it just our generation? Are we the easy to get bored people? With jobs, with friends, with music or with relationships. It's the same for everyone I know. I don't know anyone who is waving the flag and saying, Yipee, my job is kick ass. I am loving it...Really no one!! It's fashionable to switch jobs these days and I've never been good with fashion...

Well, I would have to wait and watch and see how things goes...Of all I know, our generation is also the take it easy kinds :P

Delhi Shivers...Winter is Here

Ahh...The year has started and its freezing cold in Delhi.. I've never been a winter fan anyway, a lazy season, small days..Even in my warm home, I feel so cold. I wonder how people on the streets are fighting this season..No home, no bed, no cozy quilts. Poverty is sad. Makes me wonder about the inequalities in our society. Not that I want to turn all philosophical but for some people life is unbelievably hard. Every day is a struggle. The other day my mom was out vegetable shopping. She was buying something and this very old man was standing in the next shop with tattered clothes and a ten rupee note. He bought some loose tea for two rupees, some pepper, spices, salt etc with rest of the money. My mom is a super generous and emotional woman anyway but looking at that man my mom was so upset. She felt helpless and wanted to pay some money to the old man. He wasn't a beggar and she could not muster the courage to offer anything. She came back and told me this story. I don't know if I could have done anything either. I don't even hesitate buying a Benetton sweater for two thousand bucks, and here is someone for whom this would be a dream. Still I felt a relief that however may be; the guy is still fighting this battle of life. Taking things for granted for easy but why should it be this way. There are people much richer than me. Why should I be the one to change the world? Doing things is tough; it involves courage, hard work and selflessness. Anyway, hope this crazy winter is over soon and the old man always have the same spirit to fight this battle of life.