Old man behind the bar

Dublin is getting on to me. Like it or not, it's teaching me things I already know. I thought I'll be more regular with writing but haven't had the time. Though I've chosen a day when I'm willing upset and just want to pen down these feelings somewhere.

I've always been one with expectations. I deny it as much as I can but it's true. I was expecting things today when I walked in to that room. To discuss my work performance, how I've done in the last two quarters and all that. It turned out that I din't get what I was expecting and it was but natural for me to be upset.

Ok, now I've to rewind as I realized that when I started writing this post, I wanted to write about something else. Something that happened yesterday. We were coming back from Wicklow and stopped at this Irish pub for a quick bite. This old man sitting behind us in the bar, totally drunk, wanted to strike a conversation. I couldn't make out if he was sad, happy, drunk or just philosophical. He talked about enjoying life, not worrying about small things, about money. He said we should life without regrets, without sorrow as it is not coming back to us. It was like he was preparing me for today. It makes me feel horrible if I don't get something that I deserve. But this lingering positivity in me pushes me to move on. Not just because it is the only option, but also because life has to move on.

Nandu Sir's unexpected death, or Saumya's friend unfortunate accident, all news has been bad news. My brain keeps negotiating the good and bad, the right and wrong, remembrance and forgiveness. Everything teaches you something, a bad day, a good song or an old man behind the bar!

CJ