Walk to remember

I've been thinking to work on my worklife balance for a while. I don't want to come back home and stare in to my laptop. So I decided to fix things. For starters, as thin as I am, I noticed a belly. I think to call it kinda cute would be hiding the truth. I thought lets do something about this.

I went for a walk today. And I liked it. For once, I saw some new faces. Believe me, I think my brain is getting tired of looking at the same few faces. It needs to refresh and this was fun. I had some nice music blasting in to my ears. It helps me walk faster. Then there were fat people, grandparents, grandchildren and couples strolling in the park. I liked it. I took some 7 rounds with a small break where I sat on the swing reading my messages. I think I need to do it regularly. Absolutely not like writing this blog which I promise I'll do it but I never do..

Ok, so I've a lot of ideas and I'll continue writing. Have to do it. To keep the arty crafty me kicking. Till then

CJ

You are a friend, you are not

I saw him coming and I turned my head. Oh my God, what the hell is he doing here. He doesn't shop in Gurgaon. I freaked out, I was freaking out. Ok, may be not freaking out but I tried to ignore the obvious. "Hey, omg, long time, can't believe this.." What can you not believe? Am I a ghost, or did I loose a leg?? People will crash in to people loser, I thought..I don't know but a zillion thoughts raced through my mind..Why were we not talking? Why the hell was I upset? What was the whole deal about? I could not recall. May be I din't want to coz all you know it might be stupid.

Friends come, friends go. I am 24, I should be mature. Life is not school, college anymore. But for some reason, I have given up on some good people for reasons I can't recall. Sometimes I really feel like picking up the phone and calling all of them, one by one and say 'What's up? What made u go off my radar. Why u didn't try harder to make it work?' All I know is they can't recall the reasons like me. Or genuine reasons like they were busy, or they didn't care or the anti social disease. Would I or we ever grow over trivial issues? I don't know. When you crash in to people or things that involve them, you pause for a minute and think about all this 'stuff.' Unfortunately or fortunately, the feeling doesn't last forever. I don't know if I should be glad about the friends I have made and friends I have kept..

Keeping thinking,

Till then

CJ

Guts and me

Things seems so slow down, except the age. But it is moving pretty fast around me. I would complete 4 years with Google in June. Time flew away..Good things happened, bad things happened, memorable things, adventurous things, dangerous things..However, life is more or less the same. With work and stress, bitching about managers and people with weird dressing sense. In this race, some people have decided to move ahead. People are leaving and doing their own things. Leaving for studies, for others jobs, for boredom or to just be for a while. I think it takes guts to leave, to accept or even imagine things to change. Some how, I don't like change. It is surprising that I adjust very well. But I just don't like it. I wish I had the courage to leave everything behind and do something that I really wanna do. I guess that is the other problem. I don't know what I wanna do so I'm holding on to what I've.

I sit and wonder if someone could tell you what to do ? I wish for an imperfect world with more perfections. I feel tired and stressed but I can't afford to stop. I don't any vacation or so called break can help it. I just wanna do what I really wanna do? Have a passion, a dream. A destination to look forward to. Sigh..Wish someone can help..Wish I had more guts to force myself to discover things and figure life out. Till the time I do it...

CJ

Regularity and Commitment

Yes, I'm not regular. I promised I'll be but I'm not. But I'll try, I'll never give up! Commitment is not my thing you see, I can't commit to things. I just can't. They say men are scared of commitment..Hell Ya..Not true at all :P

Anyway, let's recap. So I'm back from Dublin. Had a small trip to Dubai. Then, traveling around India, to Goa, Chennai, Chandigarh ...Trying to figure out work and life. People around me are getting married, really scary, commitment issues again.


Ok, good news is a close friend of mine is getting married. He sent me such a beautiful invite that I can't help but try and attend his wedding. I think it is nice to be a part of people's happiness. My mom says it always comes back. It weird how nice our parents are. How much patience and love they have. So I'll def update how that goes.

Friday it is and this blogpost has turned out to be pretty sad. But anything better than nothing :) So I'll be regular, ok atleast I'll try :)

Night folks

CJ

So I think of you

They played that song in the streat
People walked by, saying what a treat
But I stop and think of you

They watch that movie for fun
To know what exactly happened
I drift to dreams,
Things unknown, life unseen
And I think of you.

They dance to their favorite songs
With a drink it their hands
I try to forget, to mix with the crowd
Memories come back
Even with the best make up, I can't disguise
And I think of you.

Things go good, things go bad
I want to share with you
Coz only you'll understand how they fix in my scheme of things
So I think of you.

I think of you in happiness
in joy, in silence, in life
in prejudices, in jealousy
in cozy bed, in memories
in fate, in fortune
I think of you
never less, never enough!

CJ

Old man behind the bar

Dublin is getting on to me. Like it or not, it's teaching me things I already know. I thought I'll be more regular with writing but haven't had the time. Though I've chosen a day when I'm willing upset and just want to pen down these feelings somewhere.

I've always been one with expectations. I deny it as much as I can but it's true. I was expecting things today when I walked in to that room. To discuss my work performance, how I've done in the last two quarters and all that. It turned out that I din't get what I was expecting and it was but natural for me to be upset.

Ok, now I've to rewind as I realized that when I started writing this post, I wanted to write about something else. Something that happened yesterday. We were coming back from Wicklow and stopped at this Irish pub for a quick bite. This old man sitting behind us in the bar, totally drunk, wanted to strike a conversation. I couldn't make out if he was sad, happy, drunk or just philosophical. He talked about enjoying life, not worrying about small things, about money. He said we should life without regrets, without sorrow as it is not coming back to us. It was like he was preparing me for today. It makes me feel horrible if I don't get something that I deserve. But this lingering positivity in me pushes me to move on. Not just because it is the only option, but also because life has to move on.

Nandu Sir's unexpected death, or Saumya's friend unfortunate accident, all news has been bad news. My brain keeps negotiating the good and bad, the right and wrong, remembrance and forgiveness. Everything teaches you something, a bad day, a good song or an old man behind the bar!

CJ

Doing or not doing

Someone rightly said, in life, the choices you make are important, but the choices you don't make is more important. I am also battling this confusion. Why can't I be more decisive, have more courage in the decisions I make. Seriously, no chickening out. It's not often that life gives you choices. How many people are fortunate enough to have a choice. Choice of opportunities, choice of challenges. Getting comforted is easy. It comes naturally. Though I doubt where it takes us. It is my nature to regret my decisions. It is just very me. But after a while when winds clear, I don't mind doing what I chose. May be coz I adapt to the new situation or may be I made a good decision. Its fun looking back and wondering what would happened if I did this or that. Life moves on. Our decisions and reminiscing them is momentary. We grow out of it. We've to. Otherwise, we'll lag behind. So the hard part it, how much to dwell upon to make a choice, make a decision. Doing or not doing.